I love this topic and the suggestions! I have one comment and one question.
Comment: I am really trying to follow these suggestions, but have struggled while writing. The first intentionally non-gendered language academic paper I wrote for a doctoral class was an analysis of a text (that I had a number of concerns about at took issue with). Weirdly, the critique sounded MEANER because I excluded he/she and reduced the use of "they" by referring to the author of the text by their last name or the title "the author." Example: "Smith's use of colloquial language makes the author's assertions feel less academic and data-driven." Not terrible in one sentence, but after a few pages of constantly using the "Smith" & "the author" it sounded like I was attacking the individual. As an experiment, I did a find & replace within the document replacing "Smith" with "they" and the text sounded much less judgmental in tone. I don't know how to overcome this... I ended up sort of alternating between Smith, the author, and they; but the professor still commented that I really sounded like I was "going after" Smith and I must REALLY hate them. Sigh.... Of course, I really didn't like the book so it wasn't just the language that sounded abrasive... hmmm.....
Question: When I greet or interact with strangers, I've ALWAYS used honorifics as a way to convey respect. Example: Store checker asks me If I'm having a good day and I reply, "Yes Sir! How's your day going?" But I haven't found a non-gendered honorific to replace "Sir" or "Ma'am" that imparts respect (accords the other party superior status). I've tried Ian McKellan's suggestion of just using "Love" in all circumstances ("Yes, Love"); but because I'm not an elderly, openly gay Englishman, the grocery checkers give me weird looks (Not exaggerating-LOL). If they have a title (like "Professor" or "Doctor") I'll use that term, but I struggle with strangers of unidentified "status." I'm trying to eliminate the honorific altogether if the other party is not CLEARLY Male-presenting or Female-presenting; but by dropping it altogether I feel like I'm not communicating the respect I intend to convey. Any other suggestions for non-gendered honorifics that still convey respectful acknowledgment of status?
For the issue with the author, you could try referring to "the article" and what the article says, rather than the author, or talking about the writing more factually without referring to the author at all. So in your example, you could say: "Colloquial language makes the assertions feel less academic...". I personally like the approach of talking about what a piece of work is saying, rather than what "the author" says, especially if I am being critical.
For the question on honorific, I wonder whether they are necessary at all. Are there other ways to show appreciation to a Store checker? Please, thank you, curiosity, tone, facial expressions, and compliments can all do a much better job of showing respect. One thing I have learned from work is that customers rarely give compliments, unless you go above and beyond. Thankfulness is one of my ways to show kindness to strangers.
So if the Store person asks me if I am having a good day, I might say (with a big grin) "Hello! I'm having a great day, and thank you so much for asking. How are you doing today?" at the end I might say "thank you so much for your assistance, you've been very helpful."
At the end of the day, a person's status / name is not as important as who they are as a person. And that's the problem with honourifics - they are nothing more than a substitute for a name we don't know, so are they really as respectful as we think?...
I like Emma's suggestion for referring to the content rather than the author so much as a way of dealing with feedback. That type of writing is very challenging to do with kindness, and the longer it is, the less kind it can seem.
I really want to address the second part of your comment, and the question of honorifics.
In my humble opinion, it would be a better world if people didn't feel the need to call everyone sir or ma'am. I've been misgendered my whole life by people guessing my gender after seeing me for a few moments, and have often dreamed of the day when this doesn't happen so regularly. Please know that breaking this conditioning and simply treating people kindly without the words sir/ma'am *is* respectful and polite to those of us living outside the binary. I've been working on a post about this issue that should be out pretty soon.
I never use sir/ma'am when dealing with strangers, and I can't think of an experience where it felt like I wasn't being adequately polite or respectful. I do my best to convey warmth and kindness with nonverbal communication such as a smile or the tone of my voice. I don't think it's about the words we use so much as approaching people with openness, curiosity, and caring.
I love this topic and the suggestions! I have one comment and one question.
Comment: I am really trying to follow these suggestions, but have struggled while writing. The first intentionally non-gendered language academic paper I wrote for a doctoral class was an analysis of a text (that I had a number of concerns about at took issue with). Weirdly, the critique sounded MEANER because I excluded he/she and reduced the use of "they" by referring to the author of the text by their last name or the title "the author." Example: "Smith's use of colloquial language makes the author's assertions feel less academic and data-driven." Not terrible in one sentence, but after a few pages of constantly using the "Smith" & "the author" it sounded like I was attacking the individual. As an experiment, I did a find & replace within the document replacing "Smith" with "they" and the text sounded much less judgmental in tone. I don't know how to overcome this... I ended up sort of alternating between Smith, the author, and they; but the professor still commented that I really sounded like I was "going after" Smith and I must REALLY hate them. Sigh.... Of course, I really didn't like the book so it wasn't just the language that sounded abrasive... hmmm.....
Question: When I greet or interact with strangers, I've ALWAYS used honorifics as a way to convey respect. Example: Store checker asks me If I'm having a good day and I reply, "Yes Sir! How's your day going?" But I haven't found a non-gendered honorific to replace "Sir" or "Ma'am" that imparts respect (accords the other party superior status). I've tried Ian McKellan's suggestion of just using "Love" in all circumstances ("Yes, Love"); but because I'm not an elderly, openly gay Englishman, the grocery checkers give me weird looks (Not exaggerating-LOL). If they have a title (like "Professor" or "Doctor") I'll use that term, but I struggle with strangers of unidentified "status." I'm trying to eliminate the honorific altogether if the other party is not CLEARLY Male-presenting or Female-presenting; but by dropping it altogether I feel like I'm not communicating the respect I intend to convey. Any other suggestions for non-gendered honorifics that still convey respectful acknowledgment of status?
Thanks Nicole - great thoughts!
For the issue with the author, you could try referring to "the article" and what the article says, rather than the author, or talking about the writing more factually without referring to the author at all. So in your example, you could say: "Colloquial language makes the assertions feel less academic...". I personally like the approach of talking about what a piece of work is saying, rather than what "the author" says, especially if I am being critical.
For the question on honorific, I wonder whether they are necessary at all. Are there other ways to show appreciation to a Store checker? Please, thank you, curiosity, tone, facial expressions, and compliments can all do a much better job of showing respect. One thing I have learned from work is that customers rarely give compliments, unless you go above and beyond. Thankfulness is one of my ways to show kindness to strangers.
So if the Store person asks me if I am having a good day, I might say (with a big grin) "Hello! I'm having a great day, and thank you so much for asking. How are you doing today?" at the end I might say "thank you so much for your assistance, you've been very helpful."
At the end of the day, a person's status / name is not as important as who they are as a person. And that's the problem with honourifics - they are nothing more than a substitute for a name we don't know, so are they really as respectful as we think?...
I like Emma's suggestion for referring to the content rather than the author so much as a way of dealing with feedback. That type of writing is very challenging to do with kindness, and the longer it is, the less kind it can seem.
I really want to address the second part of your comment, and the question of honorifics.
In my humble opinion, it would be a better world if people didn't feel the need to call everyone sir or ma'am. I've been misgendered my whole life by people guessing my gender after seeing me for a few moments, and have often dreamed of the day when this doesn't happen so regularly. Please know that breaking this conditioning and simply treating people kindly without the words sir/ma'am *is* respectful and polite to those of us living outside the binary. I've been working on a post about this issue that should be out pretty soon.
I never use sir/ma'am when dealing with strangers, and I can't think of an experience where it felt like I wasn't being adequately polite or respectful. I do my best to convey warmth and kindness with nonverbal communication such as a smile or the tone of my voice. I don't think it's about the words we use so much as approaching people with openness, curiosity, and caring.