Interesting Quotes, Vol. 3
Excerpts from Piero Ferrucci's book, The Power of Kindness.
This week, I’ve been re-adjusting to life after another week at Yunasa, and the work of Piero Ferrucci has been on my mind. Ferrucci is an Italian author and psychotherapist who was a student of Roberto Assagioli, the founder of psychosynthesis. At Yunasa, we draw on their work when doing psychosynthesis exercises with the campers, and it’s something I’ve used in my life as a tool of autopsychotherapy that facilitates inner transformation.
While Ferrucci’s What We May Be is the book that more directly aligns with the psychosynthesis exercises, I first thought of The Power of Kindness for quotes this week. During my first time at Yunasa in 2019, I brought both of these books and Assagioli’s Psychosynthesis in case the campers wanted to delve into psychosynthesis in depth. I’ve learned that campers are usually more interested in discussing Michael M. Piechowski’s book Mellow Out.
The chapters in The Power of Kindness are all about the qualities that we see in kindness: honesty, harmlessness, warmth, forgiveness, contact, sense of belonging, trust, mindfulness, empathy, humility, patience, generosity, respect, flexibility, memory, loyalty, gratitude, service, and joy.
In the introduction, Ferrucci says, "My thesis is that true kindness is a strong, genuine, warm way of being. It is the result of the interplay among several qualities, such as warmth, trust, patience, loyalty, gratitude, and many others. Each chapter in this book will be about kindness seen from the standpoint of one of these qualities."
One topic I’ve considered for a Substack piece is writing about the “work of inner transformation,” a phrase you’ll find repeatedly in Michael Piechowski’s work over the years. Part of my inner work, which is ongoing, is the development of higher qualities and values, and books like The Power of Kindness and What We May Be have been helpful tools. I’ve got The Power of Kindness on Kindle, a print edition, and as an audiobook, and I’ve reached the point where I know certain parts by heart. So, without further ado, let’s see what quotes I’ve written in my journal while reading this book.
“To act honestly—even at the risk of saying the unpleasant truth, or of saying no and causing distress to others—if done with intelligence and tact, is the kindest thing to do, because it respects our own integrity and acknowledges in others the capacity to be competent and mature.” (Ferrucci, 2006, p. 33)
It took me a long time to learn how to be honest. In my journals, from the earliest ones in high school, I described lying. Sometimes, I lied because it was easier than telling the truth. Now, I say things even when they’re hard, but I also realize I could be kinder and gentler in my delivery. Gentleness with the truth is a work in progress for me. All of the qualities in this book require effort and determination to change in the direction of being more honest, warm, humble, etc.
"Honesty is a conquest. We have to learn it gradually, and in this way become stronger and more mature" (p. 34).
When we talk about dynamisms, such as the third factor, we can think about how important it is to identify these transpersonal qualities and develop them in ourselves. By valuing and striving for more honesty from ourselves, we’re also rejecting the possibilities of dishonesty and deception. I’d argue it’s just as important to be honest with ourselves as it is to be honest with other people. This is even more challenging in some ways because our minds so easily deceive us.
From the chapter on Warmth:
"Intimacy is not only physical, but also psychological and spiritual. It is the capacity to enter and to let enter, to get to know and to allow to be known. To reveal our own dreams, our strangest and most embarrassing sides. To be without fear." (Ferrucci, 2006, p. 60)
I’ve always been interested in knowing others in depth, but letting them in and allowing them to know me was a challenge. It took years after discovering the theory to reach the point where I could open up with the public and be myself as I have on the podcast and as I plan to do in these written pieces.
In this next one, I see Michael because I know that he changes lives by being his warm, nonjudgmental, loving self:
"If we give warmth, we do not end up feeling cold. The benefit is symmetrical. In giving our warmth—and so, too, our vital presence, our positive, nonjudgmental attitude, our heart—we can bring into the lives of those near to us vital, sometimes extraordinary changes. And we, too, do not remain unchanged." (p. 63)
The next quality is Contact:
“For those with facility of contact, relationship is the main instrument of growth. Encounter with another is the field where insight and transformation occur, the avenue through which comes fulfillment” (p. 86).
That’s me. When I think about the significant transformations I’ve been through in my life, I can immediately identify the relationships in which the dynamisms emerged and helped me grow. We don’t develop all alone, in a vacuum, but through our relationships. Relationships are absolutely our instruments of growth.
“Think of the effect meeting others has on us. Some encounters weigh us and bore us. Afterward, we feel tired and ill-tempered. Other encounters give us energy, lift our spirits, generate new ideas. People who have the talent for contact are able to facilitate the chemistry between themselves and another person. They are able, even in the most banal and apparently insignificant of encounters, to evoke the soul.”
This is another work in progress for me. I want to be able to be present for and appreciate every encounter with other humans, no matter how challenging.
The next quality is Humility, and the first excerpt is one that I think of often:
"To know your own weaknesses and to accept them, even if it is painful. To be honest. To chase illusions away and realize how much you do not know. To treasure life's lessons. That is humility. And humility is a great strength." (Ferrucci, 2006, p. 146)
It’s been strange for me to learn how to step into the role of “expert” on the theory of positive disintegration, and I’m constantly reminding myself that there’s still more to learn. That I must always keep learning from other experiences of positive disintegration. I don’t know everything. Again, I see Michael in these excerpts and appreciate him as a mentor because he is so humble.
"The gift of humility greets us in our most difficult moments" (p. 149).
I’ve learned to appreciate and value the times when I make mistakes, need to be corrected, or realize the limits of my knowledge and understanding. Gratitude and humility always seem to go together for me.
"An essential element of humility: I am not the only one—other people exist" (p. 154).
Admitting that I’m not the center of the universe was first mentioned in my journal at age 18, but I’m not sure I honestly figured that out until decades later. There’s a difference between opening the door to understanding something about ourselves and living it in our actions.
“It is precisely by understanding and accepting our weaknesses that we become fully human: This is our reality, this is how we truly are. It is a solid base on which we can make contact with other people. All those who feel this way are humble. You feel good when you are with them, because they possess that strange mixture of serenity and irony that only humanity can offer.” (p. 155)
Growing up gifted, without understanding what that meant beyond academics, I struggled with perfectionism for many years. Understanding and accepting my weaknesses, and learning that I don’t need to be gifted in every area, helped me become more human.
"Humility places us in a state where learning becomes possible. It gives us a taste for simplicity; and when we are simpler, we are also more genuine. Humility put into practice allows us to touch reality as it is. No more dreams, fantasies, or illusions." (p. 156)
Thinking of humility as the place where “learning becomes possible” seemed so important when I first read that sentence. Not only have I strived to live this personally, but I’ve seen it in my mentors, who were able to open their minds to rethinking overexcitability through the lens of neurodiversity.
The final quote I’d like to share is from the chapter on Respect:
“To see the soul is to see the true substance of which a person is made, rather than to stop at the superficial aspects. This is respicere, to see truly” (p. 188).
Not everyone resonates with language about seeing the soul of other people, but I do. It’s far too easy in our busy lives to stop at the superficial aspects of others and not try to see people for who they really are. Even in my work with Michael, I’ve tried my best to check myself and my assumptions and consider whether I’m seeing him clearly, or projecting onto him who I want him to be. Respecting people means doing our best to see them as they are, but this is easier said than done.
These excerpts from Ferrucci only scratch the surface of what it means to be kind, and as I’ve said, I’m no exemplar of kindness. But I’m always trying to improve.
I’ve enjoyed the book What We May Be so much that I may also do a follow-up post with excerpts from that one. The other book I’ve really enjoyed by Ferrucci is Inevitable Grace, which describes different “Ways” of experiencing transpersonal breakthroughs, such as the Way of Will, the Way of Devotion, and the Way of Illumination.
Future installments of Interesting Quotes will include more from Dąbrowski and Piechowski, as well as many authors who’ve been featured in my journals. This week, I created a list based on the Quotes document I’m drawing from, and you can expect to see wisdom from folks such as John Welwood, Etty Hillesum, Eknath Easwaran, Roberto Assagioli, Annemarie Roeper, and many other people in these posts.
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Reference for the quotes in this post:
Ferrucci, P. (2006). What we may be: Techniques for psychological and spiritual growth through psychosynthesis. Tarcher/Penguin.